OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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