Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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