Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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