Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
His hands were made for my vagina.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize