I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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