You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think I just sharted jello shots
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