I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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