so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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