Apparently you make a good broom.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize