So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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