I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
