That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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