I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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