drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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