i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize