Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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