I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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