i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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