even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize