He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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