I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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