a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize