hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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