Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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