plz talk dirty to me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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