The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize