I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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