I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize