We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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