so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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