i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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