guys are not supposed to queef...right?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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