I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
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btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
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We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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