i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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