So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
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eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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