I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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