I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize