Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
be right there i have to get my cape
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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