i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize