Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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