Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
did i walk over a car last night?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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