The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize