I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
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My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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