Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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