mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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