he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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