you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize