awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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