My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize