Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize